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How To Win A Duel

How To Win A Duel

How To Win A Duel

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Okay, we imagine you're reading this because you’ve found yourself in a good ol’ fashion western-style duel.  The duel is probably tomorrow at High Noon, because that’s really the only appropriate time. So what we’ve compiled here is a few tips and tricks to ensure you win the duel and/or get the end result you want, so let’s get into it!

 

1. Simply intimidate him with your beard

Let us for a minute imagine this from your opponent’s perspective. You’ve just been challenged by a duel by a man (you) who has a fantastic beard. A beard that says, I’m just as confident in my shot as I am in this collection of facial hair I’m adorning.

Now prior to the duel, you’re going to want to use your Dodge City beard products to really make your beard look spectacular. When he sees that beautiful thing on your face, his hands are gonna’ be shakin’ and his knees will be weak. He’s not in any shape to duel you at this point. Try to put the poor s.o.b. out of his misery without too much fan fair.

 

2. Use a grenade

Is it honorable? No.  But are you going to win?  Hell yes brother. Right before y’all start the duel and are going through the common pleasantries of cussin’ each other out and what not, it’s time to whip out ol’ faithful and pull the pin on that grenade you’ve been saving since your 16th birthday.  Additionally, there’s going to be quite a mess after the ‘duel’ so make sure you have some beard wash handy in order to keep that beard top notch. Also, congrats on winning your duel.

 

3. Block the bullet with your beard

Okay, finally a reason to really lather on that beard wax you bought last Christmas.  Now it’s important that you really load up so that your beard is as hard as a shield. Also maybe some neck exercises the night before because you’re going to have to move that beard quick to block that bullet.  One other thing to remember is make sure it hits your rock-hard beard and not your face, because, well...you’ll lose the duel.

 

4. Just don’t show up

Let’s be honest, this guy that you challenged to a duel is a far better shot than you and you’ve got a lot to lose--namely that great beard of yours.  So, you’re gonna want to bury that pride deep down in that big beard of yours and just not show up tomorrow. If folks around the town ask why you didn’t show up, give ‘em the ol,’ “oh man, did I miss that? Was it yesterday?”  They are none the wiser, and you’re still alive. That’s what we call a win-win.

 

We hope these tips and tricks are going to prepare you for your next duel.  Shoot straight and apply your beard products generously partner. Yeehaw!

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